Monday, November 5, 2007

Writers On Strike!

Today in Hollywood, that shining beacon of intellectualality, the writers went on strike, (pardon me while I stifle a yawn,) the immediate consequences of which will be that talk shows and soap operas will shut down almost immediately. (Pardon me while I slip into a coma.) In a few months, when the current seasons of most Prime Time shows near the finalé point, we may be subjected to... (brace yourselves...) Re-Runs!!!!

Now I'll admit to being hooked on Heroes and Lost, and pretty much the lion's share of NBC's Thursday Night line-up, (Earl, the Office, Scrubs and 30 Rock,) but otherwise, who freaking cares? Most of the stuff I watch comes from PBS by way of London, New York and Boston. Truly 98% of new television is comprised of one sitcom, one drama and one game show being presented in a myriad of wholly uninteresting ways.

"But I thought talk shows were about people talking?" you say? Yeah. Leno comes up with that stuff on the fly because despite the millions of dollars he makes, he's still deeply interested in whose lap Paris Hilton's pet rat crapped in at Cannes. If you think talk shows are all 'spur-of-the-moment' hi-jinx, you need to rent some Larry Sanders Show DVD's. Soap Operas? If you ask me, they have too many writers as it is. So many, in fact, that the networks have allowed these incoherent scribblers to ply their half-assed trade in Prime Time on shows like "Desperate Housewives" and "Ugly Betty."

The writers themselves do have a point though. They make just pennies on the dollar for what they do and next to nothing for DVD sales and net-casts. The studios see this as fair. "Hey, you got paid to write the episode, we can do what we want with it now." Not too cool, Selznik! Personally, If I were getting 16K per episode of "Two And A Half Men" and just recycling old "Three's Company" scripts, I'd keep my freaking mouth shut. Unfortunately, I don't make crap for what I write so the hell with the strike, my fingers will continue fumbling their way across the keyboard to bring you the very best in hard-assed, no-nonsense vitriol.

So here we are at the brink of disaster. Whatever shall we do? Well, I'm going to keep watching PBS. Oh, and there's always the alternative of READING A FREAKING BOOK! There's also spending time with freinds and family or indulging in a hobby. I have photography, poker, drinking and sex to occupy my time. But if you need to know what's going to happen in one of your favorite shows... use your imagination for crying out loud! You'll probably do better than the current crop of Hollywood Hacks and if you start blogging your take on your favorite shows, you might just get a lucrative contract as a studio scab!

(Let's see, A secluded beach on 'Lost' island. Kate and Sun are rubbing suntan lotion on each others naked bodies while two pounds of bacon crackles in a pan over a fire. A new character, 'the Styb,' walks out of the jungle, also naked except for his black socks, holding a Papa John's box and a twelve-pack of Coke and says, "Ladies... did someone order a pizza?" Kate and Sun look at each other and invite 'the Styb' to join them... hey, it's existential!)

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