Tuesday, April 22, 2008

It's Earth Day!

Come with me as I clear out the toxic debris of my life. I have some old car batteries and tires that I'm going to throw into Lake Ponchartrain early in the morning. After that I thought I'd treat myself to an hour or two of 4-wheeling through some protected woodlands. Might bag a few bald eagles if I see any.

After lunch, which I plan to only eat half of, then leave on the ground near the plastic bags I packed it in, I'm going to see how many 2-litre bottles it takes to jam up the water purification plant near my house. Then it's off to the recycling plant to pick up a load of aluminum cans to toss out during my City Park Earth Day Mardi Gras and 4x4-Making Donuts On The Golf Course Parade.

Dinner will find me eating whatever I can buy that comes in plastic packaging. A lot of it too. Maybe a case or two of those single serving size potato chips. I'm gonna throw those things off the top of One Shell Square in honor of the First Ape's visit to New Orleans, aka 'The City That George Forgot.'

Later tonight I'm going to turn on every light and appliance in the house, including the spare generators. This should give me enough light to see as I burn my next-door neighbor's trees down. They interfere with my diesel powered satellite dish. But don't worry... no fire hazard as I've had about twenty sprinklers on all day to saturate the ground. You know, for the Muddy Midnight Motocross Madness!

Whoops, gotta go... the chainsaw and lawnmower symphony I've got running out back needs some more gasoline! Happy Earth Day!

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