Friday, September 7, 2007

That's Why It's Not Called A Brainy Pageant

First, click here and watch this video, I'll wait. For those lazy few, let me transcribe it for you. It's Miss Teen South Carolina, Lauren Caitlin Upton, attempting to answer a question in the Miss Teen USA contest.

Q: Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can't locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?

A: I personally believe... that... U.S. Americans are unable to do so... because, uh, some... people out there in our nation don't have maps, and uh, I believe that our ud... education like such as uh, South Africa, and the Iraq, everywhere like, such as, and... I believe that they should, uh, our education over here, in the U.S. should help the U.S., or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future.


U.S. Americans? As opposed to Russian Americans? The Iraq? One out of five cant locate the U.S. on a map because they don't have maps? Whatever crap about world peace your pageant coach tried to cram in your head for the Q&A session didn't quite sink in did it? Except the part about using "brainy" phrases such as "such as." (That's how the phrase is used dear.) She sounds like... uh, George Bush! And this clueless dolt was the fourth runner-up!

I remember waking up with the Miss Teen USA contest assaulting my senses at this very point in the program but I thought it was just my hangover scrambling the words. I quickly changed the channel and forgot about it, but came across it again on the web. I suppose people will think I'm being mean by calling attention to Lauren's incredible stupidity, but dammit, why does this nation put up with people like this? Can't we take a stand against stupidity? Immediately after her mouth stopped moving the judges should have thanked her and sent her home. "I'm so sorry Miss Teen South Carolina, but your brain does not meet our needs at this time."

But that will never happen will it? Because as a nation, we are willing to forgive the cute and beautiful for being stupid. Look at Katie Couric as an example. She's just so damn cute we don't really mind that her head is full of feathers. We forgive her for hiring a plagiarist to ghost-write her blog for her because her smile is so sweet. It's all so sad. Of course, I haven't been able to figure out why we're so forgiving of George Bush. Nothing cute at all about that monkey-faced cretin, but still we let him run around creating mistakes that will cost us dearly down the road. I guess if we're willing to elect an intellectually bankrupt President there's no hope of ever blotting out stupidity in this nation. Whoops, I gotta go... Desperate Housewives is on!

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