Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Welcome To The Nation, Reginald Peterson!

Paris Hilton faking it for president? Who cares. The McCain camp taking her ad seriously enough to respond to it? Boooooring! The U.S. Darth Vader Olympic Cycling team arrives in China? Old news. Cancer cured by witchcraft? We can only hope and wait. Morons all, yes, but we here at the Nation prefer to blow the horns of those few, those stupid few, who dwell in the 98th percentile of incompetence. Like Reginald Peterson, a 42 year old Jacksonville, Florida man who made urgent calls to 911 regarding his improperly made Subway sandwiches.

Yes folks, sandwiches.

Apparently, after paying around $12 for two subs, Peterson became irate with Subway employees who allegedly forgot to put sauce on his subs. After yelling at the hapless wage slaves, Peterson left the store, sans sammiches, to call 911 in order to have police force the Subway employees to make his sandwiches properly. Upon returning, he found the doors locked. The fact that the Subway now had both his money and his subs further incensed Peterson. He again went to call 911, this time complaining that police were not arriving quickly enough. Police finally arrived during Reggie's third 911 call, only to find him beyond the pale of rationality.

While attempting to sort out the Great Florida Sandwich Fraud of 2008, officers also attempted to explain the correct use of the 911 system to Peterson, to no avail. Peterson became belligerent and abusive toward the officers and was finally arrested and booked with making false 911 calls. According to an AP report, Peterson does not have a phone listing, so it's perfectly reasonable that he would be ignorant of the proper use of 911. No word as yet on the condition of the sandwiches.

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