Friday, March 20, 2009

What's The Point?

MSNBC has a live vote in progress on whether or not we should remove the motto 'In God We Trust' from our currency. You can vote here. All you Atheists better hurry, you're losing 86% to 14%.

MSNBC offers the choice of: "Yes. It's a violation of the principle of separation of church and state." or "No. The motto has historical and patriotic significance and does nothing to establish a state religion." Apparently, some people who don't believe in God, or believe in another God, don't want our money to mention him. Gosh, I wonder if there might be anything else on our money that might offend some people? Let's take a look and see!

Well on the dollar, there's a portrait of George Washington, the first President of the United States of America. Well, unless you count all the other presidents before him. Washington got the job in 1789 but the United States was actually formed as an entity in 1777 after the Articles of Confederation were ratified. Before George, the presidents of the Congress were Peyton Randolph, Henry Middleton and John Hancock, (Presidents of the Continental Congress as The United Colonies of America,) Hancock again, Henry Laurens, John Jay, Samuel Huntington, (Presidents of the Continental Congress United States of America,) Huntington again, Thomas McKean, John Hanson, Elias Boudinot, Thomas Mifflin, Richard Henry Lee, Hancock again, Nathaniel Gorham, Arthur St Clair and Cyrus Griffin, (all Presidents of the United States In Congress Assembled.) So technically, Washington was our 17th President. Perhaps we should put him on the Seventeen Dollar Bill.

You know, most of our bills have Presidents on them, Ben Franklin being the hundred dollar exception. He was in charge of the Treasury Department for a time. Maybe It's time to change that. We could put our current President on all the bills like some nations do, but I don't know if Barack would look good in green. Hmmm, how about celebrities? Oprah on the $1000, Tom Hanks on the $500, Paris Hilton on the $20, (you know, for the nose candy fans,) and Billy Barty on the One signifying it's the smallest denomination and it's significant rate of shrinkage.

What else is there? On the back is the Great Seal of the United States. Both sides. Think of the seal as a coin. On the front, or obverse, is the US Coat of Arms. That's the eagle clutching thirteen arrows and an olive branch containing thirteen leaves and olives. There are also thirteen stars above the eagles head. The thirteens all symbolize the original colonies, but you don't need me to tell you that. The eagles head is turned toward the olive branch and away from the arrows which, it has been said, represents our nations desire for peace but our willingness to fight. That's a beautiful representation of 200-year old values, but no longer appropriate since George Bush destroyed that message years ago by unlawfully invading another country with falsified 'evidence' that… sorry, I digress. Anyway, let's get rid of that part. Maybe we can sell ad space there! I bet Rupert Murdoch would shell out a fortune to put the FOX "News" logo there!

The other side of the seal is the thirteen tiered pyramid with the spooky eye watching you. That's the Eye of Providence, or God. Looks like you're gonna have to take that out too. Oh, and the words "Annuit Cœptis" which means 'He approves our undertakings.' The "He" there also means God, so I guess that's out too. Under the pyramid are the words "Novus Ordo Seclorum" meaning New Order of the Ages. Who cares. Dump the latin. We need something hip and trendy in that spot. I got it! A scratch off game! Leave the pyramid there and your dollar will be worth exactly one dollar, but you can take a chance and try to turn your one dollar into five, ten or twenty! Replace the Latin crapola with the words: "Deal, Or No Deal!" But beware, under the pyramid might be the actual forty-two cent value of the dollar!

As for the motto, 'In God We Trust,' we should replace it with multiple slogans. Why be pigeonholed with one boring motto? Think of the possibilities. Coke Adds Life! Who Watches The Watchmen? Don't Forget To Vote! Have A Nice Day! Tune In, Turn On, Drop Out! Let's make money FUN again!!

This entire debate stems from the mind of one goofball in Sacramento, CA, Michael Newdow, an atheist who has been trying, (and failing,) to erase every reference to God he comes across. So far, he has failed to remove God from the Pledge of Allegiance, US currency and coinage, and a North Carolina government building. Newdow claims that “The placement of ‘In God We Trust’ on the coins and currency was clearly done for religious purposes and to have religious effects.” Big deal. Does it make your life that horrible, Mikey? Here's an idea, get yourself an ATM card and use that instead of cash. You'll never, ever, have to see the motto! And you can stop bothering everyone else.

Now for you kids out there that believe the motto to be a "historic and patriotic" part of our nation's history. You're wrong. While references to the Almighty have been on our coins and currency in one form or another since 1864, It wasn't until 1955 that Congress required the motto to be emblazoned on all our money, both bill and coin. That was just a year after they crammed the Big Guy into the Pledge, by the way. It was a heady time and I guess we needed to remind everyone we weren't like those Godless Commies. Fifty years is a long time, but not quite the 200+ year tradition everyone thinks is accurate.

As for me? I say let the motto stay. It really isn't hurting anyone and how often do you ever notice it? And right now I have more faith in God than I do in the Federal Reserve, but that can change at any moment…

1 comment:

sherry said...

really don't they have better things to do? oh yeah, who really cares?