Keep Yer Pants On!

This is an updated version of an earlier post.

Just when I think I can take some time off they drag me back in! Ladies and Gentles, please join me in welcoming, a so-so human being, not much of a humanitarian, and brother this cat was never no-bodys friend, in his debut appearance in the Nation of Morons, Judge Roy Pearson! The man whose idea of a good time is suing immigrant dry-cleaners for lost trousers to the tune of sixty-five million dollars! I'm assuming they were really big pants in order to fit his gargantuan balls into them!

In a nutshell, soon after becoming an administrative hearings judge in the District of Columbia, Pearson brought in several suits to Custom Cleaners, owned by Ji Nam, Ki and Soo Chung, for alterations. When he came to pick the suits up one pair of slacks was missing. He demanded the Chungs pay him $1000 dollars, the cost of the suit, but one week later the slacks were found and the Chungs refused to pay, opting instead to return the pants to Judge Pearson.

Well guess what? Pearson refused to accept the tardy trousers, (they've been hanging in the Chungs lawyers office for over a year but Pearson claims they are not his,) and continued litigation on the basis of two signs hanging in the store. "Same Day Service" and "Satisfaction Guaranteed." Hey Roy, don't you understand that "Same Day Service" doesn't apply to every service provided? If you think you're going to have multiple suits altered in one day you must be more mentally impaired than I think. As far as the other sign, "Satisfaction Guaranteed," that's an ad slogan along the lines of "Number One Film in The Country" and "Land Of The Free And Home Of The Brave." It doesn't mean anything. Grow up you whiny fuck! The world is not here to cater to your every personal whim and desire.

Oh, my apologies dear readers. Perhaps you think I'm being a trifle harsh towards Judge Roy. Let's delve further into the case, shall we? Yes, we shall.

Pearson has been using Custom Cleaners on a regular basis even though he has had multiple disagreements with the Chungs. It's only four blocks from his house. The Chungs have made three offers to Pearson of $3000, $4600 and $12,000 only to have their offers fall on deaf ears. Apparently Pearson thinks being a judge means never having to accept "I'm sorry."

Furthermore, $15,000 of the lawsuit is earmarked for a rental car to take his buisiness to another cleaner for the next 10 years. What the fuck? Since when does the Constitution of the United States guarantee you the inalienable right to a fucking convenient drycleaner? The majority of the 65 million is calculated from Pearsons' overzealous interpretation of the Districts consumer protection law. It's only a $1500 violation per day, but Pearson has added up 12 separate violations, multiplied them by over three years worth of days and then multiplied that figure by three defendants. What a complete cunt! There is so much wrong with that, not the least of which is by suing the buisiness, you can't multiply by each defendant! How in the name of Sandra Day O'Connor did you ever get through law school, much less pass the bar!

District of Columbia Judge Neal Kravitz is set to hear the case on June 11th and has stated that this is simply a case of one plaintiff and one pair of pants. Thank god for rational human beings. Other groups and individuals in the area have gathered forces in a flood of support for the Chungs who are so distraught they are thinking of returning to their native South Korea. I can only hope the Chungs are exonerated and reimbursed for their troubles and money so far lost from the case. It's impossible to expect every American to be rational, compassionate and forgiving, but shouldn't we at least expect that of our judges?

As for Pearson, the calls are coming from all corners for his immediate disbarment and he is up for review for a 10-year renewal for his judgeship. I don't know about you, but I sincerely hope stoning or caning is brought back into fashion as punishment for filing these kinds of frivolous lawsuits. And I hope they start with Judge Roy Pearson.

UPDATE: Last week, good ol' Roy took the stand and promptly burst into tears. Between sobs and snot wipes, he explained the mental anguish this whole affair has caused him. In fact, he became so apparently distraught that a recess had to be called. Since the initial posting Pearson has reduced his price to $54 million. How nice. He has also attempted to swing the center of the trial away from the pants in order to focus on the "misleading signs" posted in the Chungs store. Meanwhile, the Chung's lawyers are attempting to portray Pearson as a disturbed crank whose recent divorce has caused him financial troubles. I'd love to hear what Mrs Roy has to say on the whole subject.