New Math

The recent report on the war in Iraq lists 18 benchmarks. 8 of these were ranked as failures, 8 as successes and 2 were ranked right in between. President Bush proudly waves this report in the face of the nation and calls it a success. Are you [bleep]ing kidding me? No matter how you spin it, that's just below 44.5%. A solid failure in even the most lenient classes.

But then, I'm not Georgie. Normal rules of conduct and common sense actually apply to me. George on the other hand is used to failing and coming out smelling like a rose. Just like when his Texas MLB club was failing, he made money by sucking in investors at "the right time." Likewise, his oil operations in the eighties were miserable failures but he did ok. (I think he owned the only oil companies to fail to make a profit during the eighties oil boom.) It must be nice to be blissfully unaware of how sub-par you truly are.

The new math of the Bush Administration runs deep. Ask anyone who worked in the Texas school system while he was governor of that fine state. His No Child Left Behind program was a rousing success and Texas had a record low number of high school dropouts. This was due to the fact that dropouts were listed as "transfers to other schools or districts." In fact, in a survey of 16 high schools conducted by the state, a field of 5500 freshman had only about 2500 students reach graduation thanks to Secretary of Education Rod Paige, (Houston school superintendant from 1994-2001,) a longtime Bush crony. The real success of NCLB? Paige fired principals who reported dropouts and gave $5000 bonuses to those who reported 0 dropouts.

I know, it's an old story. And it's obvious that America doesn't really give a damn because this all broke open as Georgie was digging a new ass groove into the Oval Office leather chair. I don't know who to be more sick of; the First Liar or you mindless [bleep]s who elected him. No matter how you arrange the numbers, the Bush Administration simply doesn't add up, but it certainly divides us well.