President George W Bush touched down at Armstrong International Airport sometime last night for his much celebrated photo-op here in The City That He Forgot. In preparation for his arrival, our most intelligent citizens have been ushered far away so as not to disrupt the Boob-In-Chiefs visit. Soon after Air Force One touched down, Curious George was met by some of his other partners in homicide, (Mayor Ray Nagin, Governor Kathleen Blanco, et al,) and they all joined together in a big circle jerk of "Heckuva Jobs."
Bush and his wife Laura, (who added to the expense of the trip by taking her own separate jet,) were then whisked out of sight to a naval vessel to spend the night. Apparently they don't trust the city to keep them safe overnight, or care to spend a paltry few dollars in a local hotel to help the economy. During his visit, the First Ape will visit one of the few Ninth Ward schools able to operate and have a nice meal at Dooky Chase's, and in honor of the First Ape, the city has closed down the Canal Street streetcar line. That should be nice for the residents who depend on the line to go to and from work. Following his brief stop here, Georgie and Company will travel to Gulfport and do some other incredibly relevant stuff to prove how much he cares about the Gulf Coast.
That's about all I can tell you as only people who are unlikely to express negative thoughts about this Administration are allowed within a two mile radius of the First Ape. God forbid he get an earful from someone who is still waiting for all that help he promised us. I'm fairly certain that he will be shown those three houses in the Ninth Ward that have been rebuilt though.
By the way, if you're wondering about the title of this post, it's a nod to the film Empire Records, in which a record store goes all out to celebrate the arrival of a pop singer who they view as a very cool dude, only to find out that he's a self centered prick interested only in advancing his own career and reputation. Think about it.
UPDATE: It's noon, August 29th, 2007. Rex Manning is gone. Thousands of taxpayer dollars were spent keeping the First Ape well shielded from the city by way of police blockades along every street he travelled. New Orleanian taxpayer dollars. I find it incredibly telling that such precautions must be taken for this idiot to ride through our town. If "W" had bothered to keep his promises to us he wouldn't have to hide like this. As it stands, if he's going to continue to yank our chains like this, we should at least be allowed to line the streets and show him how we feel. Sleep well back in Washington in your house with walls, carpets and hot water you lying sack of crap.