Saturday, December 22, 2007

The Reprobate In 2008!

Recently, an anonymous poster to this blog said they'd vote for me for President of the United States. Therefore, in the interests of giving the People what they want, I am pleased to announce my intention to run for President! Drop the bunting, toss the confetti and strike up the band!

So I've got one down and 324,999,999 to go!

But then we need to subtract the kids, they can't vote, so that makes about 205 million to go. And then there are the independent and non-party voters who should be an easy swing, so that leaves only 130 million. And as we all know, the ladies love me, so that leaves about 65 million voters I need to convince. But I'm a cat person, so I should be able to swing at least half of the cat owners in the U.S., so that drops it to about 30 million.

Ahh, but then there are felons, illegal aliens and foreign nationals who can't vote, so that leaves around 15 million. But the election isn't until next November, so if I subtract the infirm and the one person who dies every twelve seconds in this country there's only 10 million to go. And I should be able to nearly sweep my home state of Louisiana and my birth state of Pennsylvania. Let's say 75% there so that leaves 400,000 to go. And let's not forget the 385,000 or so Polish-Americans of voting age. That should bring it down to 15,000. And on my Flickr site, I have over 14,000 views, so I'm sure I can count on those folks for support, leaving just 1000 voters to swing.

But wait! Voter turnout hovers somewhere at a miserable 60% which means that all I need is around 70,000,000 votes to win the popular and electoral votes, but as we can see, I'm well over that. In fact, it's a freaking landslide. 224,999,000 to 1000! On behlf of the many people who helped make this victory possible, I thank you. You are all invited to the Inaugural Party. BYOB, of course!

Remember... "Vote early and often!"
-Al Capone

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