Thank God That's Over With

Of course I refer to the interminable eight years of botched policies and mis-management from the George Bush administration. Also, the televised coverage of the Barack Obama inauguration which seemed to last almost as long.

I kept wondering if it was a costume event until I realized that the guy dressed like Mr Potter, the evil old wheelchair-bound spider from It's A Wonderful Life, was actually former vice-president Dick Cheney who is apparently being eaten inside-out by cancerous guilt. We reap what we sow, eh?

The Networks had something for everyone. FOX "News" had the always charming Sheppard Smith in-articulating events as they happened with great gusto. From not knowing which helicopter was which, or who rode in what limo, to completely missing the significance of the Yosemite Valley painting hanging in National Statuary Hall. (It's part of the Lincoln theme Shep. See, Lincoln signed the Yosemite Land Grant in order to protect the area. Obama is a big Lincoln fan. See the connection?)

FOX had discussion in great detail about what they referred to as "Obama's Financial Bailout Plan" and how it could make or break him. Interesting. Somehow they failed to remember that it was good ol' George Bush who crafted the 800 billion dollar bailout, the first half of which has disappeared into the pockets of his Wall Street cronies. Obama is simply the executor of the remainder of Bush's last great mistake. Nothing like blinders to help keep your spin on track, eh FOX?

ABC had some decent coverage with Charlie Gibson, (oh, sorry Charlie, it's Charles now since you no longer handle fluff pieces on GMA, right?) and Diane Sawyer taking turns doling out historical facts and trivial snippets. For the most part Gibson stuck to history and Sawyer handled the important things like dress designers and speculation on Michelle Obama's gift to Laura Bush. (It was a pen and journal set according to Gibson.) ABC also had incisive commentary by George Stephanopoulis on how George Bush kept in shape during his tenure as tyrant, only gaining a few pounds in the last eight years. Cool! News I needed to know!

And CBS had Katie Couric.

What really depressed me about the whole thing was that this was the most attended inaugural event in the history of the Presidency. Yeah, OK, I get it. We elected the nation's first black president. Well, half-black, anyway. So it's historical and one would expect a large turnout, but it made me realize that if Obama was white, no one would really give a damn. It would simply be another president taking the Oath of Office. Big deal, right? It made me realize how little the citizenry cares about politics in the first place. No wonder the country is in the shape it's in.

Fiscally, the events surrounding the inauguration cost an estimated 170 million dollars but don't worry kids, only a small part of that money came from your taxes. Most of it came from private donations made by Wall Street movers and shakers. You know, those guys that are currently getting bailed out by the Feds with your hard-earned… oops. Well, perhaps the Feds can recoup some of that with the DVD sales and rentals. As for the Street itself, it plunged over 330 points reportedly because Obama didn't mention anything about them in his first speech. Talk about needy! Hey, wait a minute… what the hell are you people doing trading on Inauguration Day anyway? Not only are you a bunch of whiny bums crying for government handouts, but you don't even bother to pay respect to the new president you're begging from? Classy, really classy.

Chief Justice John Roberts, a Bush appointee, made a minor faux pas as he garbled the Oath of Office. One wonders how many of the nut-jobs who claim Obama is not a citizen will now claim he's not actually president because he didn't take the "real" Oath of Office. Of course, that leads to speculation that Bush instructed his pet to mess it up intentionally, but surely that couldn't be, could it? No, of course not. Any plan like that would have to come from someone with a working brain and real power. Like Dick Cheney. My God, I love a good conspiracy theory! (Well, wonder no more! NBC's Brian Williams just made it official, the nut-jobs are already crying!

As for Obama, one of his first acts of office was to reach out to the Gulf Coast promising to honor the "broken promises" and insure we never again suffer through the "unconscionable ineptitude" of the former administration. (Oooh, burn!) This came in the form of a statement released on the White House website. He also issued orders to cease implementation of many of George Bush's 'Midnight Resoloutions.' You know, those sneaky little laws an outgoing president pushes through when he thinks no one's looking. According to reports, Georgie signed more of those than Billy Clinton, Ronnie Reagan and Daddy Bush combined. Nice try, Georgie, but apparently another failure to add to your scrapbook.

And speaking of the former administration, George and his lovely wife Laura jetted away to their ranch in Crawford, Texas, a place they have clearly missed in the last eight years. Counting vacations spent at Camp David and in Crawford, George and company only managed to get in about three years of rest. Out of eight. Talk about your cushy part-time jobs!

Well, I guess that's enough rambling for one day. Enjoy your retirement George, you certainly earned it. And to the new president, Barack Obama, congratulations! You have a difficult job ahead of you, unraveling the twisted knot of incompetence left behind by your predecessor. No pressure though!

Sarah Palin For President!

I thought John McCain was running for president. You wouldn't know it from his new ad…



And he approved that! It's clear that with the RNC's choice of Palin as a running mate, they have lost their only area of attack on Obama, namely that of experience. Suddenly they are unable to compare and contrast Obama to their own candidate so they substitute the running mate? Did I miss something? Never before in the history of the United States of America have I seen a Veep candidate compared to a Presidential candidate of the opposite party! this is just mind-boggling! This ad is possibly the single greatest example of just how fractured and in disarray the Republican Party is.

Let's take a look at some other examples, shall we?

Until last week, McCain was leaning toward Joe Lieberman as his running mate in order to swing the independent voters, but the Reublican Party refused this choice and forced Palin into the Veep spot. So even though McCain is supposed to be an independent maverick for change, it's clear he's being puppeteered by the RNC. And if you think they're going to take their hand out of his ass if he makes it to the Oval Office, you're too far gone for me to help so you may as well stop reading now.

Instead of choosing a running-mate that could ease partisan tensions, corral thousands of swing votes and build the base of the Republican Party, the RNC is simply preaching to the converted by pushing Palin onto the ticket. The evangalical cats are creaming their jeans over Palin and the hardcore red-staters are finally happy that someone on their party's ticket has a pair of republican balls, but with Palin, the RNC is essentially telling the swing voters, (and pretty much everyone else,) that their voices have been heard and ignored. Here comes more of the same.

(Warning: Typical Male Sexist Comment Imminent) Palin completes McCain by adhering to the Party Canon where he falls short. For example, McCain opposes more offshore drilling in the United States. Palin is absolutely fanatical for more drilling. (Typical Male Sexist Comment in 3… 2… 1…) My goodness, she already has five kids; how much more drilling does she want! OK, OK, I apologize. That was completely unprofessional, but then I don't get paid for this so hard cheese! Back to the rant…

Now I understand that this is Sarah's Big Day and naturally the BNM flies should be buzzing around and about her, but shouldn't there also be someone talking about John McCain? I mean, the above ad not withstanding, he is supposed to be the Republican candidate, isn't he? Add to this, the fact that unlike any other Veep candidate in the history of the United States, the RNC has cloisterd Palin away from the media. No interviews, no sound bites, no nothing. The press releases say that she is working on her speech, but I think it's more a case of the RNC drilling their propaganda more firmly into her head.

In closing, I'd like to share a recent sound bite from Sarah Palin that illustrates just how terrible this choice was. Ignore the stupid Obama endcaps that someone tacked onto the clip, but pay very close attention to Sarah's own words. And enjoy implosion of the Republican Party.

Babygate

So, now the entire Republican Party is of the opinion that teenage pregnancy is perfectly acceptable. It's a private matter to be handled by the family. Interesting. Apparently the evangelical right-wing blowhard party now condones underage sex as well as homosexuality and whore-mongering. Who'da thunk?

I'd like to ask a favor of all my Liberal buddies in the Big News Media regarding Bristol Palin and her brand new bundle of stem cells. Shut the fuck up already! The world is quite aware that she's pregnant. The world is quite aware that her mommy, presumptive Veep Sarah Palin, is opposed to sex education. You can draw your own conclusions. Rumours abound that Sarah's son, Track, was born out of wedlock as well. Perhaps it runs in the family. Who cares.

There are thousands of people out there saying, "If she can't control her kids, how can she control the country!" Please join the BNM and STFU as well. Sarah Palin is not Dick Cheney. If McCain manages to win the election, (he won't,) the vice-presidency will once again be a quiet little job consisting of funereal visits and mall openings.

Think about this: The Palins live in Alaska. Other than writing your name in the snow with urine, there's not a lot to do up there so I'm guessing sex is a popular pastime. And before you start whining about the whole underage thing, you better whoa-up and check your facts. The Age Of Consent in Alaska is sixteen, so even if that errant sperm found it's way to Bristol's womb before her seventeenth birthday, there's nothing illegal about it.

And the baby-daddy be takin' care of his bitness. The shotguns are cocked and the wedding is on. I'm sure all the finer Alaskan bridal stores are busy altering their dresses to maternity patterns in the hopes that they'll land the lucrative Palin wedding contract.

What I find interesting that the Republican Party is responsible for keeping Babygate alive. Most democrats are more concerned with silly issues like health care, the illegal war in Iraq, the nosediving economy and global warming. Babygate is a freaking blessing to republicans. "Hey! A distraction to how we've fucked up the country! Let's run with it!" Give me a break.

As I was drifting into the Land of Nod last night, there was an interview with some republican idiot, I don't recall the name, who was asked about Sarah Palin's lack of experience in matters of foreign policy. This clueless bint actually claimed that since Sarah Palin was the governor of the closest American land to Russia, she had plenty of foreign policy experience. Huh? My next door neighbor is a chef. Does that automatically qualify me to run a restaurant?

And these are the people you want running this country? Good luck with that.

For those of you still looking for a presidential candidate, I'll be here when you need me. including myself, I now have a grand total of five write-in votes spanning Louisiana, Mississippi, Florida and Pennsylvania. Just a few hundred thousand to go! And remember, my vice-president will be chosen from my supporters and I will move the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco & Firearms and the DEA under his or her direct control. The job is VICE president, after all.

See you in Washington!

Hang On St Christopher

Severe over-topping is threatening the levees in Plaquemines parish at the Clearwater Canal near Braithwaite and also near Scarsdale. Parish President Billy Nungesser is trying to evacuate anyone who may have stayed in Braithwaite by implementing a door to door search.

Naturally, the Big News Media is beginning to lose control as the day wears on. MSNBC is covering the Plaquemines situation even though their entire crew is having difficulty pronouncing simple words like Plaquemines and Jindal. Add to this the fact that MSNBC has no cameras in Braithwaite and is illustrating the story with shots of the Industrial Canal at the height of the storm surge.

CNN had Nungesser on the phone live when they cut him off in to show Laura Bush's heartfelt call for prayer at the Republican National Convention. Upon returning to the line, Wolf Blitzer seemed confused five minutes later when Nungesser was no longer on the line. So Wolf called back. And Nungesser answered. And Nungesser was put on hold again in order to feature Vampirella McCain in her Hillary-orange pantsuit with Transylvanian collar as she spoke at the RNC.

FOX "News" and CNN have crews on the scene as parish workers and volunteers try to stem the rising tide with sandbags, but the water seems to be coming in faster than the bags are going down. What they need are the big army choppers and sandbags used to fill the breaches during Katrina.

David Vitter has surfaced in Baton Rouge, explaining that he was unable to leave the building due to high winds and didn't know the actual situation, but that he had heard there were some trees down in the State Capitol. He then went on to congratulate everyone for a job well done. Exactly what job was done well and who did it is still unclear, as is how Vitter found out about it considering he just explained that he didn't know what was going on.

Not surprisingly, the most on-the-ball broadcaster I've heard from yet is NBC's Brian Williams. After a brief recap of how the city fared in the last twenty-four hours, Williams asked the question, "Does this mean that New Orleans is ready for the 'Big One?'" He answered it, too, saying "No, It means that New Orleans was ready for this storm." And he's damn right about that.

The Next President Is Dead

Well, his campaign is anyway.

Chris Dodd, the only candidate who had any semblance of true presidential bearing has dropped out of the running along with Joe Biden. While Biden really never had a chance, he was certainly more honest than most of the remaining field, but Dodd impressed me every time he spoke. No bull, just the facts and a straightforward way of speaking. And all it took to derail these two campaign trains was the Iowa Caucus. Ten percent of the eligible voters of a state which is primarily agricultural in nature and has an incredible majority of white voters. I guess that's why they call them "Caucuses." (For the slow witted, I'm referring to the fact that white people are classified as caucasians.)

Dodd was never viewed as a warm and fuzzy candidate by the Big News Media and therefore only made the evening news on the day he dropped out of the race. One more loss for American Democracy. As for the BNM itself, the FOX network has decided that America doesn't need to hear from Ron Paul in the next televised Republican debate. Even though Paul supposedly meets all criteria to appear, his views don't match up with FOX's "Fair And Balanced" ideals of Republicanism. In the Tit-For-Tat Department, ABC has decided to bounce Dennis Kucinich from it's Democratic debate. Both networks refuse to discuss why they exclude candidates, but the longstanding chestnut that "a line must be drawn somewhere" always surfaces. This essentially means that there are so many candidates, in order for everyone to have time to air their views, some of them must be excluded. Does this make any sense? Try this: In order for the candidates whose views closely resemble those of our board of directors to be heard, we're excluding the guys we just don't like.

With so many candidates on both sides it can indeed be a challenge to carve out a block of time long enough for everyone to speak, let alone hold the public interest, but the exclusion game is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Networks cite small polling numbers for certain candidates so they cut them from the debates. The next day, those same excluded candidates poll numbers shrink even more and the networks can keep them out of the next debate, and so on, ad infinitum. Now if you pay attention to trivial things like presidential elections you might know all the players well enough to make an educated choice, but for the passive sector of our nation, the ones who choose a president by evening news sound bites, all they're ever going to see is the top three front-runners from either side and invariably, those will be the candidates who speak the loudest yet say the least. It's an incredibly complex form of pandering in which a candidate makes broad statements designed to pacify and entertain the largest block of voters possible. Call it anti-pandering if you will, and when Noah Webster rises from his grave and adds it to his Unabridged Dictionary make sure you get my name right as the originator of the term.

Sorry. I digressed. Where the hell was I? Oh yes, exclusion.

So while the top tier of candidates is continually shown on the evening news and featured prominently at center stage in the debates, the bottom tier rarely gets news time and is excluded from the debates one by one and the gap in the poll numbers continues to widen. Next thing you know, your ability to vote for the candidate of your choice is defined by only two candidates, neither of which is willing or able to make a clear statement on any issue other than love of family and how terrible it would be for their opponent to win. Some process, huh?

This is all part of how the two-party system is killing America and the BNM is doing all it can to ensure that the power stays in the hands of the powerful. Don't believe me? Next time you hear a candidate speaking, count the number of times they say "for the American People" and compare it to how often they say "for the Democratic/Republican Party" and you'll get a pretty good idea where their interests really lie. And speaking of lies... well, we won't get into that here. It's just too easy.