Take This Brother, May It Serve You Well

Anyone see McCain in the receiving line on the airport tarmac? He zipped past his own family rather quickly and stopped for a paternal chat with Bristol Palin and her 'fiancé' Levi Johnston. We don't know what was said, but it was probably something like, "Geez kids, I'm really sorry you got outed. It's not my fault, I wanted to run with Joey." You can see it here. (There's a crappy commercial at first, deal with it.) McCain actually looks stiff and uncomfortable hugging his own family but comfortable as all hell hugging his "soulmate," (his words,) Sarah Palin. And watch at the end as McCain hands something to Levi. It's small and fits in the palm of a hand; Levi keeps his fingers clenched around it after the pass. It could simply be a McPalin campaign button, but I'm guessing it was a condom.

Babygate

So, now the entire Republican Party is of the opinion that teenage pregnancy is perfectly acceptable. It's a private matter to be handled by the family. Interesting. Apparently the evangelical right-wing blowhard party now condones underage sex as well as homosexuality and whore-mongering. Who'da thunk?

I'd like to ask a favor of all my Liberal buddies in the Big News Media regarding Bristol Palin and her brand new bundle of stem cells. Shut the fuck up already! The world is quite aware that she's pregnant. The world is quite aware that her mommy, presumptive Veep Sarah Palin, is opposed to sex education. You can draw your own conclusions. Rumours abound that Sarah's son, Track, was born out of wedlock as well. Perhaps it runs in the family. Who cares.

There are thousands of people out there saying, "If she can't control her kids, how can she control the country!" Please join the BNM and STFU as well. Sarah Palin is not Dick Cheney. If McCain manages to win the election, (he won't,) the vice-presidency will once again be a quiet little job consisting of funereal visits and mall openings.

Think about this: The Palins live in Alaska. Other than writing your name in the snow with urine, there's not a lot to do up there so I'm guessing sex is a popular pastime. And before you start whining about the whole underage thing, you better whoa-up and check your facts. The Age Of Consent in Alaska is sixteen, so even if that errant sperm found it's way to Bristol's womb before her seventeenth birthday, there's nothing illegal about it.

And the baby-daddy be takin' care of his bitness. The shotguns are cocked and the wedding is on. I'm sure all the finer Alaskan bridal stores are busy altering their dresses to maternity patterns in the hopes that they'll land the lucrative Palin wedding contract.

What I find interesting that the Republican Party is responsible for keeping Babygate alive. Most democrats are more concerned with silly issues like health care, the illegal war in Iraq, the nosediving economy and global warming. Babygate is a freaking blessing to republicans. "Hey! A distraction to how we've fucked up the country! Let's run with it!" Give me a break.

As I was drifting into the Land of Nod last night, there was an interview with some republican idiot, I don't recall the name, who was asked about Sarah Palin's lack of experience in matters of foreign policy. This clueless bint actually claimed that since Sarah Palin was the governor of the closest American land to Russia, she had plenty of foreign policy experience. Huh? My next door neighbor is a chef. Does that automatically qualify me to run a restaurant?

And these are the people you want running this country? Good luck with that.

For those of you still looking for a presidential candidate, I'll be here when you need me. including myself, I now have a grand total of five write-in votes spanning Louisiana, Mississippi, Florida and Pennsylvania. Just a few hundred thousand to go! And remember, my vice-president will be chosen from my supporters and I will move the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco & Firearms and the DEA under his or her direct control. The job is VICE president, after all.

See you in Washington!

FOX, News and Priorities

Much thanks to FOX "News" for interrupting coverage of Hurricane Gustav in order to inform us that presumptive Republican Veep Hottie Sarah Palin is going to be a grandmother. The pro-life, family-values candidate says that her seventeen year-old, single daughter, Bristol, who is five months pregnant, is planning to marry the baby-daddy, also a teenager. There is no report on whether Bristol is aware of the wedding plans. Talk about serendipitous timing. I wonder if Sarah will change her tune about teaching sex education in school…

FOX also reports that George Bush and Dick Cheney have canceled their Republican convention speeches for tonight. Laura Bush and Cindy McCain plan to take the stage in their place to beg for prayers and money, thus turning Gustav into a big Republican love-fest.

Currently, I'm watching the FOX "News" broadcast from the Judge Seeber Bridge as water sloshes over the Industrial Canal levees. The levees look strong with no visible stress in evidence. but the water level has risen from 10-feet to 11-feet which is the limit along most of the floodwalls in the area.

George Bush has just arrived in the Austin, TX Emergency HQ, smiling and slapping backs. FOX has just now cut the feed from Austin. Apparently five minutes of the First Ape posing for photo-ops with his texas buddies is enough.

Earlier, CNN interviewed FEMA scapegoat Mike Brown and asked him what was different now compared to three years ago. Brownie skirted the issue, but I can tell you the answer… There's a new sheriff in town and his name ain't Mike Brown!