Bush Presidency Not A Failure!

According to his two top female advisors, Condoleeza Rice and wife Laura.

Safely ensconced in her 'Stepford,' TX ranch, Laura Bush told FOX 'News' "Do I think the press is fair? No, absolutely not." Regarding those who criticize her husbands' regime as a failure, she said, "Well, I know it's not. And so I don't really feel like I need to respond to people that view it that way." And of course, that's the real problem. The typical Bush response to any fact which does not fit neatly into his world is to ignore it until it goes away, then when it fails to go away, to spin it in some way that makes Incurious George look good. I guess all those years of alcoholism left some residual deniability in George and Laura. Good for them!

Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice also had a few words about her soon-to-be-former massah: "Generations pretty soon are going to start to thank this president for what he's done. This generation will."

You know, in the spirit of the New Year I think I'll get the ball rolling here.

Thank you, George W Bush, for concocting false evidence in order to invade a middle eastern country which, while certainly led by a miserable tyrant, had absolutely nothing to do with Al-Quaida, 9/11, WMD's or any other thing you accused them of. They did try to assassinate your Daddy though, so I guess your Texas-sized ego and white-trash mentality makes this a perfectly acceptable Quid Pro Quo. How very Jerry Springer of you!

Thank you, George W Bush, for creating the No Child Left Behind program. Through creative bookkeeping you have managed to hide the fact that illiteracy and dropout rates are higher than ever in this country. By listing dropouts as "transfers" and allowing "certain" children to slide during major testing you have made our Nation's schools look ideally wonderful! Congrdulashens! Wee ar all aweighting the nexx vershen of Webster's Dikshenarry with grate auntissipashen!!

Thank you, George W Bush, for slashing restrictions on corporate pollution. The money saved and stuffed into executive Golden Parachute plans more than makes up for the centuries of tainted land and water our children will have to deal with. But hey, by that time you'll be dead! To use your new favorite phrase… "So what?"

Thank you, George W Bush, for allowing illegal immigrants to pour through our borders like water through an ACE levee. We now have more than enough waiters, maids, gardeners, garbage men and chicken plant workers to last a lifetime. Unfortunately, none of them speak English or pay taxes, but hey, you can't have everything, right?

Thank you, George W Bush, for giving Wall Street the green light to play hard and fast with our money, creating loopholes, tax-dodges and Ponzi schemes which raped the Nation's wallets and further widened the divide between the Haves and Havenots. It's certainly a shame that you couldn't figure out how to get our Social Security money into the stock market though! Maybe next time!

Thank you, George W Bush, for the fiscal bailout programs. We, the people, are so stupid that we could never have found a solution like yours. To fight the spectre of insurmountable debt, your idea is to create more debt! Brilliant!! Hey, I'm going to go bankrupt soon, can I have a couple grand too?

Thank you, George W Bush, for making our National Parks safe to visit once again. Since you eviscerated gun laws people will think twice before drawing down on the average citizen at Yellowstone now, won't they?

Thank you, George W Bush, for your prompt action during Hurricane Katrina. Without your hard work and determination, thousands of people would have been stranded on rooftops and left homeless for years, scattered across the country far from friends and family.

Thank you, George W Bush, for re-popularizing the concept of the oubliette. Your system of secret jails is the perfect place to hide all those crazy school teachers, accountants and gas station owners you picked up after 9/11. And holding them under suspicion without charging them? Brilliant! No need to allow them counsel if they haven't been charged! No wonder there have been no terror attacks "on U.S. soil" during your reign.

Thank you, George W Bush, for the "Mission Accomplished" speech. Without that speech, we all would have thought that the War on Iraq was still underway. No, really, thank God that's over! But George, why are our husbands, wives, fathers, mothers and children still dying over there? Any ideas?

Thank you, George W Bush, for the "Midnight Regulations" you are feverishly passing in your last days. At your current rate, you should be able to pass more MR's than any other president in the history of this country, including Bill Clinton and your Daddy! With a little elbow grease, you could possibly destroy this country more in your final thirty days than in the previous eight years of your reign. Good luck to you! I'm certain that Big Coal will reward you with many lovely gifts as payback if they haven't already done so.

Gosh George, there's ever so much for us to be thankful for and it's all because of you! You, and you alone, have done what no other tyrant, enemy or foreign power has ever been able to do. You have brought the United States of America to it's knees. And isn't that the best way to fuck someone up the ass?

FOX, News and Priorities

Much thanks to FOX "News" for interrupting coverage of Hurricane Gustav in order to inform us that presumptive Republican Veep Hottie Sarah Palin is going to be a grandmother. The pro-life, family-values candidate says that her seventeen year-old, single daughter, Bristol, who is five months pregnant, is planning to marry the baby-daddy, also a teenager. There is no report on whether Bristol is aware of the wedding plans. Talk about serendipitous timing. I wonder if Sarah will change her tune about teaching sex education in school…

FOX also reports that George Bush and Dick Cheney have canceled their Republican convention speeches for tonight. Laura Bush and Cindy McCain plan to take the stage in their place to beg for prayers and money, thus turning Gustav into a big Republican love-fest.

Currently, I'm watching the FOX "News" broadcast from the Judge Seeber Bridge as water sloshes over the Industrial Canal levees. The levees look strong with no visible stress in evidence. but the water level has risen from 10-feet to 11-feet which is the limit along most of the floodwalls in the area.

George Bush has just arrived in the Austin, TX Emergency HQ, smiling and slapping backs. FOX has just now cut the feed from Austin. Apparently five minutes of the First Ape posing for photo-ops with his texas buddies is enough.

Earlier, CNN interviewed FEMA scapegoat Mike Brown and asked him what was different now compared to three years ago. Brownie skirted the issue, but I can tell you the answer… There's a new sheriff in town and his name ain't Mike Brown!