Swallowing This Costs Extra

The only things missing from David Vitter's statement today were facts, answers and emotion. In his drab monotone voice, Vitter thanked "countless freinds and fellow citizens" for their prayers and support. Countless? What's the matter Dave? Can't you count to eight? He again apologized for letting us down "with these actions from (his) past." Yeah, you said that already. Why not apologize for skipping work for the last week? It was at this point the cameras pulled back to reveal a mortified Wendy Vitter, trying desperately to hold the bile behind her tightly clenched lips. (Shoulda gotten the Botox, sweetheart.) Next came denials of any sexual encounters with prostitutes in New Orleans, stating that these are falsehoods made by his political enemies and profiteers. Uh-huh. Sure Dave.

Two minutes into the poorly constructed statement Vitter remarked: "Now having said all this I'm not gonna answer endless questions about it all over again and again and again and again." No shit. He won't even answer questions about it the first time. He then rambled on for thirty seconds about the bills he's writing and the work he intends to do on Capitol Hill in the future, ending our boredom with the statement that he's heading straight to the airport on to Washington for "votes." Hmmm, about four hours total check-in time plus air time plus drive time... you really think they're voting at 10 pm EST Davey? Maybe you should have just gone to work in the first place instead of wasting an entire week coming up with this pathetic excuse for a public statement.

As he backed sheepishly away from the podium, WDSU's Travers Mackel attempted to ask "Senator, did you have a sexual relationship with anyone..." only to be cut off by Wendy Vitter's grab for the spotlight. Dressed in a low-cut leopard print dress which I swear I've seen in a Frederick's Of Hollywood catalog, the outspoken cheatee spoke out. Almost parroting Hillary Clinton, she claimed "to forgive is not always the easy choice, but it was, and is, the right choice for me." Guess Davey's penis isn't going to be Bobbitized after all. What a letdown.

Fighting back what seemed to be tears of shame, Wendy went on to complain about the press camped out on her doorstep and at their church, as if this is all the fault of the reporters. She closed her statement by asking the press to let her family "continue our summer and lives as we had planned." I suppose that means we're supposed to ignore the lies, the hypocrisy and the missed work. Good luck honey. (By the way, am I the only one to notice that Wendy got the last word?)

Both Vitter and his wife either fail to grasp the real issue here or are trying to spin it to their advantage. Both Vitter and his wife are completely inaccurate. The issue here is not that their marriage is a sham, but that Vitter is a hypocrite and obviously too incompetent to deal with this problem and effectively do his job. This so called "press conference" is proof of that fact. Instead of addressing his constituents concerns and answering questions, (which could have been done in his first press conference,) Vitter chose to waste an entire week hiding from everyone, missing votes and meetings. Add to this the fact that it took him seven days to "craft" this statement which said absolutely nothing new and you begin to see how useless Vitter truly is. If that's not enough for you, how about the fact that both Vitters could only manage two and a half minutes of speech (each) with Davey coming out ahead by about ten seconds. Talk about bait and switch.

In an earlier post, I said I wouldn't call for Vitter's resignation because this was not a really big deal to me. If his marriage is so dead and cold that he needs a hooker to get him off, I don't care, but his hypocrsiy mixed with his inability to carry out the duties of his office are inexcusable. His apology was nice, but completely forced by the fact that he got caught. Everyone is sorry when they get caught, Dave. You should have been a man and addressed this issue last week. You should have taken the time to answer any and all questions honestly instead of saying nothing and hiding behind your wife's skirt. Take my advice Dave, this isn't going to go away until you do.

Had Enough Yet?

David Vitter is spending our tax dollars on whores, Kathy Blanco is pushing through an 11 million dollar pay raise for every politician and state employee, Bill Jefferson and cronies, (the Judge Greens and the Gill-Pratts and other cronies,) are currently ripping the proverbial copper wiring out of every buisiness and governmental seat they occupy, Eddie Jordan has re-spun the revolving door formerly used by Judge Charles Elloie to release murderers and rapists, and Mayor C Ray Nagin is cramming his campaign coffers full of contractor cash in Kansas City, MO.

Any one of the above would be cause for alarm, but taken together it's amazing that you're sitting in what's left of your storm damaged home calmly reading this. (What's left of) the population of New Orleans and it's surrounding areas should be camped out in front of City Hall, the Governor's Mansion, and in front of every single local politicians home demanding wholesale slaughter! We should be pelting our so-called "leaders" with rotten tomatoes as they step from their luxury cars and walk smugly to their offices. We should be jamming their phone lines with complaints about their behavior. We should all be on strike, bringing this city to a standstill until our voices are heard and our problems dealt with by those who have sworn to work for us! We should be ashamed of ourselves for electing these scumbags in the first place.

The coming elections will be a great measure of just how incompetent we, the people are. Blanco has already realized the futility of running for re-election and is chomping at the bit to disappear from the public eye so that we forget about her incompetent "leadership" during Katrina and Rita. (Have you noticed that her "legacy" project, Kathleen Blanco's Louisiana Road Home Project no longer bears her name in the newscasts as it did at the beginning?) Vitter remains silent on his whoring, (and honestly I don't care what he did, it's the hypocrisy of his values and his inability to show up for work that piss me off,) but his days are pretty much numbered. Eddie Jordan will have to overcome his laissez-faire attitude to the safety of New Orlenians and his racist nature in order to retain his comfy job. (When he took office he fired about 50 people, mostly white, to which he replied that he fired black people too. He got it backwards though. He should have said he fired two black people.) The Jeffersons, et al, are moving on up to a dee-luxe apartment in Club Fed so regardless of elections, they'll be safely put away where they can intermarry and inbreed to their hearts content. And little C Ray has no chance of winning the gubernatorial race, does he? No matter how many votes he buys with his out-of state chitlin dinners and his whitey bashing charm, there are 63 parishes he needs to sway and that just ain't gonna happen, right?

Right?

Right?

Next Time, Let's Elect The [Bleep]ing Hooker

Andy Warhol once said that in the future, everyone will have their fifteen minutes of fame. Well, it looks like David Vitter is getting his and he may have underestimated the effects of his one little sin. I confess, I did too. But that was before I knew that Jeanette Maier would actually come forward and out him. (I was just guessing in the last post.) That was before Hustler publisher Larry Flynt announced that he was in contact with five other prostitutes claiming to have had sexual relations with the Senator. And sadly, it was before Vitter called in sick this morning on Capitol Hill.

Now I don't care if Davy has sex with sheep as long as he's not puffing up his chest and condemning all the other sheep-[bleep]ers in the country. If you recall, Vitter was an avid cheerleader for Bill Clinton's impeachment during the Monica Lewinsky scandal in 1998. He even went so far as to impugn Clinton's "moral fitness" to govern the nation, and this was less than a year before he began hooking up in DC. (At least five times between 1999 and 2001. Of course, it now appears he had been dipping his wick for some time before Clinton got caught.) Will he now resign his seat in the senate for the same reasons?

Of course not.

As I write this, I'm fairly sure that Davy's working on his next public statement. You know, how this has been a terrible ordeal for his family, (I can almost feel the botox being injected into his wifes face so we won't be able to see her grimace at him,) and how through their love and support he hopes to rise above this small mistake he's made. He'll then assure his constituents that this episode will not hinder his ability to effectively carry out his duties as a United States Senator and thank us all for our continued support of him. Then he'll share a very cold and awkward embrace with his wife and slink off before the mainstream press is allowed to ask any questions. I swear it just makes me want to cry.

But here's the catch: It has already hindered his ability to perform his job. Vitter's absence today comes at a cost of three missed committee meetings, two missed senate votes on the troops in Iraq a cancelled meeting with the man who runs our country, Vice-President Dick Cheney and his monthly radio appearance on WWL radio. So much for the Public Trust. It seems that Davy's not satisfied just [bleep]ing whores, but now he's [bleep]ing his constituents and the rest of the state as well.

Since this issue has come to light, we also see that hypocrisy runs in the family. After Bob Livingston was outed for his extra-marital affair in 1999, Vitter's wife Wendy was asked if she could forgive her husband if she were in the same situation. Her response: "I'm a lot more like Lorena Bobbitt than Hillary. (Clinton) If he does something like that, I'm walking away with one thing, and it's not alimony, trust me." Hmmm, perhaps that's why we've had no word from Davy. he might be undergoing re-attatchment surgery at this very moment.

At any rate, I'm not going to be one of those imbecilic reactionaries who call out for blood at the top of my lungs. If Davy wants to keep his job it's his decision. How much more damage can he do to the State of Louisiana. (Yes, I know what an incredibly stupid question that is.) However if it was me, (yeah, like I'm some aging fart that needs to pay whores for sex,) I'd step down and move to a remote island where no-one ever heard of me and quietly fade into history as just another lying scumbag in the annals of Louisiana Politics. Good luck Davy, your Warhol time is up.

The Honesty Of Spin Control

Senator David Vitter, R-Louisiana, has come forward regarding what he calls a "very serious sin in my past." Vitter's phone number appears in the records of former DC Madam, Deborah Jeane Palfrey. Breathe in the air of freedom Dave. Sweet ain't it? That's how us honest folks feel most of the time.

From Vitter's statement:

Several years ago, I asked for and received forgiveness from God and my wife in confession and marriage counseling. Out of respect for my family, I will keep my discussion of the matter there --with God and them. But I certainly offer my deep and sincere apologies to all I have disappointed and let down in any way.

Oh, wait a minute... you mean you didn't just decide to do this for personal peace of mind? Oh, I see, it's in regard to the fact that Palfrey has already released the contents of her Black Book. Wow. And I thought you had found your conscience. I guess you're just stepping up to the plate because you don't want this to interfere with your political career. That's understandable, but it may have been more effective if you had come forward a few years back when this case originally surfaced.

I suppose if your wife and family can forgive you, so can your constituents, after all, it was a moment of weakness, right? It only happened once, right? You only hung out with hookers when away from your family, right? You never, ever visited Jeanette Maier on Canal Street, right?

Right.

UPDATE: Looks like i was wrong there. Oh, wait, forgot about the sarcasm. Indeed, I was correct!

In the future Dave, please try to spend your time on Capitol Hill more constructively. You know, like working for the people who elected you. We sent you to Washington to improve our state and our lives, not to improve your sex life. Your salary is our tax money, remember? If you really want to improve Louisiana's economy, there are plenty of whores down here who can use the money. I mean, besides our local politicians. And remember, if you do happen to lose your job, you can always go back to beating up schoolchildren smaller than you for their lunch money. Just like High School, right?

Right.