Swallowing This Costs Extra

The only things missing from David Vitter's statement today were facts, answers and emotion. In his drab monotone voice, Vitter thanked "countless freinds and fellow citizens" for their prayers and support. Countless? What's the matter Dave? Can't you count to eight? He again apologized for letting us down "with these actions from (his) past." Yeah, you said that already. Why not apologize for skipping work for the last week? It was at this point the cameras pulled back to reveal a mortified Wendy Vitter, trying desperately to hold the bile behind her tightly clenched lips. (Shoulda gotten the Botox, sweetheart.) Next came denials of any sexual encounters with prostitutes in New Orleans, stating that these are falsehoods made by his political enemies and profiteers. Uh-huh. Sure Dave.

Two minutes into the poorly constructed statement Vitter remarked: "Now having said all this I'm not gonna answer endless questions about it all over again and again and again and again." No shit. He won't even answer questions about it the first time. He then rambled on for thirty seconds about the bills he's writing and the work he intends to do on Capitol Hill in the future, ending our boredom with the statement that he's heading straight to the airport on to Washington for "votes." Hmmm, about four hours total check-in time plus air time plus drive time... you really think they're voting at 10 pm EST Davey? Maybe you should have just gone to work in the first place instead of wasting an entire week coming up with this pathetic excuse for a public statement.

As he backed sheepishly away from the podium, WDSU's Travers Mackel attempted to ask "Senator, did you have a sexual relationship with anyone..." only to be cut off by Wendy Vitter's grab for the spotlight. Dressed in a low-cut leopard print dress which I swear I've seen in a Frederick's Of Hollywood catalog, the outspoken cheatee spoke out. Almost parroting Hillary Clinton, she claimed "to forgive is not always the easy choice, but it was, and is, the right choice for me." Guess Davey's penis isn't going to be Bobbitized after all. What a letdown.

Fighting back what seemed to be tears of shame, Wendy went on to complain about the press camped out on her doorstep and at their church, as if this is all the fault of the reporters. She closed her statement by asking the press to let her family "continue our summer and lives as we had planned." I suppose that means we're supposed to ignore the lies, the hypocrisy and the missed work. Good luck honey. (By the way, am I the only one to notice that Wendy got the last word?)

Both Vitter and his wife either fail to grasp the real issue here or are trying to spin it to their advantage. Both Vitter and his wife are completely inaccurate. The issue here is not that their marriage is a sham, but that Vitter is a hypocrite and obviously too incompetent to deal with this problem and effectively do his job. This so called "press conference" is proof of that fact. Instead of addressing his constituents concerns and answering questions, (which could have been done in his first press conference,) Vitter chose to waste an entire week hiding from everyone, missing votes and meetings. Add to this the fact that it took him seven days to "craft" this statement which said absolutely nothing new and you begin to see how useless Vitter truly is. If that's not enough for you, how about the fact that both Vitters could only manage two and a half minutes of speech (each) with Davey coming out ahead by about ten seconds. Talk about bait and switch.

In an earlier post, I said I wouldn't call for Vitter's resignation because this was not a really big deal to me. If his marriage is so dead and cold that he needs a hooker to get him off, I don't care, but his hypocrsiy mixed with his inability to carry out the duties of his office are inexcusable. His apology was nice, but completely forced by the fact that he got caught. Everyone is sorry when they get caught, Dave. You should have been a man and addressed this issue last week. You should have taken the time to answer any and all questions honestly instead of saying nothing and hiding behind your wife's skirt. Take my advice Dave, this isn't going to go away until you do.