Mister Weatherbee announced today that Moose has been removed from Jugheads' Bully List. Moose has promised not to beat up on the Archies anymore just like he has hundreds of times before, but with Moose's hair trigger and petulant attitude, it's sure to be simply a matter of time before tempers flare once more leading to an hilarious denouement. The deal was brokered by the Riverdale Student Council. Miss Grundy could not be reached for comment.
Jughead apparently wishes to graduate from Riverdale High with one positive notch in his belt and is currently grasping for anything that might make him look good. It certainly won't be easy considering his track record: the New Shoes Incident, the Missing Office Coffee Fund & Protection Racket Scheme, the Unfortunate Toilet Clogging Incident and the subsequently mishandled Operation Sparkle, not to mention the rivalry and feud with Central High.
•EDITOR'S NOTE•
We apologize for the confusion, but our newsroom fax line was apparently crossed with the sunday funnies WATS line. For the above story, please replace "Mister Weatherbee" with "The Bush Administration," "Moose" with "Korea," "Jughead's Bully List" with "George Bush's Terror List," and "beat up on the Archies" with "sponsor terrorists".
Also, please replace "Riverdale Student Council" with "State Department," and "Miss Grundy" with "Condoleeza Rice." Further, please replace "graduate from Riverdale High" with "leave the Oval Office," "New Shoes Incident" with "telling people to go shopping after the 9/11 Attack" "Missing Office Coffee Fund & Protection Racket Scheme" with "Wall Street Bailout," "Unfortunate Toilet Clogging Incident" with "Hurricane Katrina," "Operation Sparkle" with "Katrina Recovery Plan," and "rivalry and feud with Central High" with "invasion and subjugation of Iraq."
We at the Nation of Morons apologize for any inconvenience.
Showing posts with label Bush Administration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bush Administration. Show all posts
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Monday, September 1, 2008
The Return Of The Scapegoat
I saw four different Michael Brown interviews yesterday. You remember Mike, the FEMA director who was cast as the villain immediately after Katrina. The scapegoat who was handpicked by the Bush Administration to run FEMA and also handpicked by the same administration to take the fall. That's right, that Michael Brown. There were more Michael Brown interviews yesterday than there are Lucy re-runs on TV Land in a night.
I saw him on CNN, Keith Olberman and FOX "News" and he was also interviewed by Hoda Kotb. Each interview contained the same question. Regarding FEMA performance during Gustav as compared to during Katrina, Brown was asked "What is the difference between then and now?" The twat gave different answers every time.
Answer One: Brown claimed the Department of Homeland Security is now properly running and funding FEMA and the agency is no longer hampered by political red tape.
Answer Two: Brown blamed state and local authorities for the mismanagement of their own affairs, essentially messing up his plans.
Answer Three: Brown claimed that this time, people followed orders and evacuated like they were supposed to.
Answer Four: Brown stated that FEMA was allowed to place needed supplies within reasonable reach of those who would need them.
Of course he left out the most obvious answer, which is that Mike Brown is no longer in charge of FEMA!
I admit that Brownie was made out as the scapegoat for FEMA's colossal failure in the weeks and months following Hurricane Katrina. My main problem there is that he wasn't the only reason everything went wrong. He had a lot of help fucking up the relief efforts in 2005 but he was the only person to suffer a severe penalty for his inaction. Let's take a look at his answers again:
On the charge that FEMA is now properly run and funded, he is wrong. Small increases have been made to FEMA's budget but it is still woefully under-funded and until the FEMA directorship is once again made a full cabinet position it will continue to be under-staffed and tied up in the red tape of Homeland Security.
Next we have the blame game where Brownie shifts the responsibility to the local pols. There's no question that Governor Kathleen Blanco was in over her head and we all know how Nagin and Broussard cracked under the pressure, but a lot of that pressure came from knocking on a FEMA door that simply wasn't being answered. Mississippi and Alabama had problems with FEMA too, but Brownie didn't call them out as being incompetent. Of course, they were never as vocal as our Louisiana leaders.
The next answer is just plain wrong. Brownie blames the victims for not evacuating. Was he even awake then? Hundreds of thousands of people fled Gulf Coast. It's true that many people stayed, but that was due to the fact that the City of New Orleans promised to take care of them, as did other cities. Big mistake there. This is as offensive to me as when a lawyer blames a rape victim for her assault. For this answer alone, Michael Brown should be sent to a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison for the rest of his life.
Lastly, Brownie claims FEMA was allowed to place needed supplies within easy reach. I got news for you, Brownie… supplies were within reach during Katrina too. You just failed to move them the few miles they needed to go.
Now, there are a few more reasons why Gustav relief is working better than Katrina relief. First, as previously stated, Michael Brown is not a factor. That's a big one, but there's another more obvious reason, and that's the fact that Gustav was simply nowhere near as big a storm as Katrina. Less wind, less rain, less power, less surge, different track, etc, etc… the list goes on.
But there's still another reason why FEMA works better these days and it's a very interesting one. It's because Michael Brown taught the Gulf Coast and the rest of the country that we cannot rely on our government in a crisis. We need to take care of ourselves, much the same way our pioneering forefathers did long ago, before the days of gubmint cheese.
So thank you Brownie. It seems that after all is said and done, you really did do a heckuva job! You may now return to your life of infamy and obscurity, secure in the knowledge that you made difference at least once in your life. And you can stop blaming everyone else for your bad decisions.
I saw him on CNN, Keith Olberman and FOX "News" and he was also interviewed by Hoda Kotb. Each interview contained the same question. Regarding FEMA performance during Gustav as compared to during Katrina, Brown was asked "What is the difference between then and now?" The twat gave different answers every time.
Answer One: Brown claimed the Department of Homeland Security is now properly running and funding FEMA and the agency is no longer hampered by political red tape.
Answer Two: Brown blamed state and local authorities for the mismanagement of their own affairs, essentially messing up his plans.
Answer Three: Brown claimed that this time, people followed orders and evacuated like they were supposed to.
Answer Four: Brown stated that FEMA was allowed to place needed supplies within reasonable reach of those who would need them.
Of course he left out the most obvious answer, which is that Mike Brown is no longer in charge of FEMA!
I admit that Brownie was made out as the scapegoat for FEMA's colossal failure in the weeks and months following Hurricane Katrina. My main problem there is that he wasn't the only reason everything went wrong. He had a lot of help fucking up the relief efforts in 2005 but he was the only person to suffer a severe penalty for his inaction. Let's take a look at his answers again:
On the charge that FEMA is now properly run and funded, he is wrong. Small increases have been made to FEMA's budget but it is still woefully under-funded and until the FEMA directorship is once again made a full cabinet position it will continue to be under-staffed and tied up in the red tape of Homeland Security.
Next we have the blame game where Brownie shifts the responsibility to the local pols. There's no question that Governor Kathleen Blanco was in over her head and we all know how Nagin and Broussard cracked under the pressure, but a lot of that pressure came from knocking on a FEMA door that simply wasn't being answered. Mississippi and Alabama had problems with FEMA too, but Brownie didn't call them out as being incompetent. Of course, they were never as vocal as our Louisiana leaders.
The next answer is just plain wrong. Brownie blames the victims for not evacuating. Was he even awake then? Hundreds of thousands of people fled Gulf Coast. It's true that many people stayed, but that was due to the fact that the City of New Orleans promised to take care of them, as did other cities. Big mistake there. This is as offensive to me as when a lawyer blames a rape victim for her assault. For this answer alone, Michael Brown should be sent to a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison for the rest of his life.
Lastly, Brownie claims FEMA was allowed to place needed supplies within easy reach. I got news for you, Brownie… supplies were within reach during Katrina too. You just failed to move them the few miles they needed to go.
Now, there are a few more reasons why Gustav relief is working better than Katrina relief. First, as previously stated, Michael Brown is not a factor. That's a big one, but there's another more obvious reason, and that's the fact that Gustav was simply nowhere near as big a storm as Katrina. Less wind, less rain, less power, less surge, different track, etc, etc… the list goes on.
But there's still another reason why FEMA works better these days and it's a very interesting one. It's because Michael Brown taught the Gulf Coast and the rest of the country that we cannot rely on our government in a crisis. We need to take care of ourselves, much the same way our pioneering forefathers did long ago, before the days of gubmint cheese.
So thank you Brownie. It seems that after all is said and done, you really did do a heckuva job! You may now return to your life of infamy and obscurity, secure in the knowledge that you made difference at least once in your life. And you can stop blaming everyone else for your bad decisions.
Monday, July 21, 2008
For Christ's Sake!
You retards just don't stop, do you? Hot on the heels of my last entry I get another "Pro-Bush" e-mail informing me that "yellow-cake uranium" was found in Iraq and this both vindicates the Bush Administration and proves that Valerie Plame and Joe Wilson were liars. Here is the e-mail:
Here's the deal, kids: Yes, over 500 tons of YCU was found in Iraq. As a matter of fact, it was found by UN weapons inspectors prior to 1991! It was documented, stored and legally possessed by Iraq according to international laws. This has nothing to do with Bush's supposed WMD's or Plame, or Wilson, or Nigeria. It is not weapons grade uranium.
The YCU has been moved to Montreal where it will be used to produce nuclear power. What I'd like to know is, why all the secrecy? Could it be that the Bush Administration didn't want the world to know what deal was made with Canada to obtain the YCU? Where does the money go? And how much of our tax dollars were spent moving an energy source that will not benefit Americans? Who profits here?
I'll tell you who: The Salem Web Network.
They are arguably the world's largest "faith-based" internet company and are owned by Salem Communications, the fifth largest radio network in the U.S., following Clear Channel, Cumulus, Citadel and CBS. For my money, I would disregard anything remotely called "news" from these people as the primary goal of SWN is to, "replicate Salem's leadership position in radio in the digital world."
Huh?
Not save souls. Not promote peace and understanding. Not enrich the lives of human beings throughout God's universe. Just to become a huge self-serving conglomerate by any means necessary. I've read Dante's Inferno folks, and I know exactly where the good folks at Salem will be hanging out. There's plenty of space in the 8th Circle for people like this, and the sooner they get there, the better off we'll all be.
Christopher Merola
Friday, July 11, 2008
On July 5, 2008, the Associated Press (AP) released a story titled: Secret U.S. mission hauls uranium from Iraq. The opening paragraph is as follows:
The last major remnant of Saddam Hussein's nuclear program – a huge stockpile of concentrated natural uranium – reached a Canadian port Saturday to complete a secret U.S. operation that included a two week airlift from Baghdad and a ship voyage crossing two oceans.
See anything wrong with this picture? We have been hearing from the far-left for more than five years how, "Bush lied." Somehow, that slogan loses its credibility now that 550 metric tons of Saddam's yellowcake, used for nuclear weapon enrichment, has been discovered and shipped to Canada for its new use as nuclear energy.
It appears that American troops found the 550 metric tons of uranium in 2003 after invading Iraq. They had to sit on this information and the uranium itself, for fear of terrorists attempting to steal it. It was guarded and kept safe by our military in a 23,000-acre site with large sand beams surrounding the site.
This is vindication for the Bush administration, having been attacked mercilessly by the liberal media and the far-left pundits on the blogosphere. Now that it is proven that President Bush did not lie about Saddam's nuclear ambitions, one would think the mainstream media would report the story? Once the AP released the story, the mainstream media should have picked it up and broadcast it worldwide.
This never happened, due in large part I believe, to the fact that the mainstream media would have to admit they were wrong about Bush's war motives all along. Thankfully, the AP got it right when it said,
The removal of 550 metric tons of "yellowcake" – the seed material for higher-grade nuclear enrichment – was a significant step toward closing the books on Saddam's nuclear legacy.
Closing the book on Saddam's nuclear legacy? Did Saddam have a nuclear legacy after all? I thought Bush lied? As it turns out, the people who lied were Joe Wilson and his wife.
Valerie Plame engaged in a clear case of nepotism and convinced the CIA to send her husband on a fact finding mission in February 2002, seeking to determine if Saddam Hussein attempted to buy yellowcake from Niger. The CIA and British intelligence believed Saddam contacted Niger for that purpose but needed proof.
During his trip to Niger, Wilson actually interviewed the former prime minister of Niger, Ibrahim Assane Mayaki. Mayaki told Wilson that in June of 1999, an Iraqi delegation expressed interest in "expanding commercial relations" for the purposes of purchasing yellowcake.
Wilson chose to overlook Mayaki's remarks and reported to the CIA that there was no evidence of Hussein wanting to purchase yellowcake from Niger.
However, with British intelligence insisting the claim was true, President Bush used that same claim in his State of the Union address in January of 2003.
Outraged by Bush's insistence that the claim was true, Wilson wrote an op-ed in the New York Times in the summer of 2003 slamming Bush.
Wilson did this in spite of the fact that Mayaki said Saddam did try to buy the yellowcake from Niger. The Senate Select Committee on Intelligence disagreed with Wilson and supported Mayaki's claim. This meant nothing to Wilson who was opposed to the Iraq war and thus had ulterior motives in covering up the prime minister's statements.
It was a simple tactic really. If the far-left and their friends in the media could prove Bush lied about Hussein wanting to purchase yellowcake from Niger, it would undermine President Bush's credibility and give them more cause for asking what other "lies" he may have told.
Yet, the real lie came from Wilson, who interpreted his own meaning from the prime minister's statements and concluded all by himself that the claim of Saddam attempting to purchase yellowcake was "unequivocally wrong." Curiously, the CIA sat on this information and did not inform the CIA Director, who sided with Bush on the yellowcake claim. This was made public in a bipartisan Senate Intelligence Committee report in July 2004.
Valerie Plame also engaged in her own lie campaign by spreading the notion that the Bush administration "outed" her as a CIA agent. Never mind that it was Richard Armitage -- no friend of the Bush administration -- who leaked Plame's identity to the press. Never mind that Plame had not been in the field as a CIA agent in some six years.
The truth is, due to their opposition to the war, Joe Wilson, Valerie Plame, the mainstream media and their left-wing friends on the blogosphere engaged in a propaganda campaign to undermine the Bush administration. Now that Saddam's uranium has been made public and is no longer a threat to the world, do you think these aforementioned parties will apologize and admit they were wrong? Don't count on it. The rest of the American people should hear the truth about Saddam's uranium. It is up to you and me to inform them every chance we get.
As far as the anti-war crowd is concerned, the next time they say that,
"Bush lied," we should tell them to, "Have the yellowcake and eat it too."
Copyright © 2008 Salem Web Network. All Rights Reserved.
Here's the deal, kids: Yes, over 500 tons of YCU was found in Iraq. As a matter of fact, it was found by UN weapons inspectors prior to 1991! It was documented, stored and legally possessed by Iraq according to international laws. This has nothing to do with Bush's supposed WMD's or Plame, or Wilson, or Nigeria. It is not weapons grade uranium.
The YCU has been moved to Montreal where it will be used to produce nuclear power. What I'd like to know is, why all the secrecy? Could it be that the Bush Administration didn't want the world to know what deal was made with Canada to obtain the YCU? Where does the money go? And how much of our tax dollars were spent moving an energy source that will not benefit Americans? Who profits here?
I'll tell you who: The Salem Web Network.
They are arguably the world's largest "faith-based" internet company and are owned by Salem Communications, the fifth largest radio network in the U.S., following Clear Channel, Cumulus, Citadel and CBS. For my money, I would disregard anything remotely called "news" from these people as the primary goal of SWN is to, "replicate Salem's leadership position in radio in the digital world."
Huh?
Not save souls. Not promote peace and understanding. Not enrich the lives of human beings throughout God's universe. Just to become a huge self-serving conglomerate by any means necessary. I've read Dante's Inferno folks, and I know exactly where the good folks at Salem will be hanging out. There's plenty of space in the 8th Circle for people like this, and the sooner they get there, the better off we'll all be.
Look At That Big Distracting Thing Over There!
Recently, Republican spin doctors have been sending out cute little e-mails regarding the warmongering nature of the Democratic Party, citing that the last four major wars America has been involved in and the fact that there were Democrats sitting in the Oval Office at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. This is an interesting smear campaign, and one that is a perfect lesson in misdirection.
The spin goes something like this:
Wow! That's pretty damning evidence there! Can't argue with facts, huh? Especially when the facts aren't even present in the equation. For all you denser kids out there let me drop some truth on ya...
World War I - Woodrow Wilson won his 1916 presidential election by promising to keep us out of the war, which started in 1914. It was only in 1917, two years and eight months later, that a captured telegram from Germany to Mexico, inviting our southern neighbors to invade us, that Wilson regrettably entered our country in the war. Time from entry until vitory: One year and seven months.
World War II - True, Roosevelt took America into our second global conflict. What's missing here is that it was after the Japanese sucker punched us in Hawaii, a full two years and two months after the conflict started. If anything, FDR waited too long to enter the war. Time from entry until vitory: Three years and eight months.
Korea - Our entrance into Korea was not designed by Harry Truman. We were already there and we were fired on first. The initial role of U.S. Troops was as observers and peace keepers, but due to tension of the Cold War, support of North Korea by the USSR, and constant attacks on our personnel, we had little choice but to defend ourselves and escalation was only a matter of time. From our entrance to the stalemate: Three Years.
Vietnam - Begun in 1959, U.S. troops were largely kept out of Vietnam until 1965 when we entered the conflict officially. By this time, the face of war had changed drastically. No longer could we send in troops, hand the enemy an ass-whooping, and walk out. Vietnam dragged on for eight years before we began pulling our troops out in large numbers; the first time we ever staged a withdrawal without a full victory, thanks to Republican Richard M Nixon. I don't fault him or the Republican party though. We were clearly in an untenable situation and retreat was the only vialble option.
In all four cases, U.S. involvement was provoked and began as defense of either our own lands or the lands of our allies who were being slaughtered by aggressive tyrants bent on domination by subjugation. Compare this to the current Iraq conflict, the only war started by America other than our own internal conflict, the Civil War, (unless you count that Manifest Destiny bullshit where we slaughtered American Indians, stole their land and wrapped it up in a bow to ease our own conscience,) instigated by Republicans, fueled by Republican fear-mongering and outright lies, and kept alive by Republicans continually changing the conditions for victory. But that statement isn't really fair; there are Republicans out there who are against the war and had nothing to do with it in the first place.
The real blame lies squarely at the feet of President George W Bush. True, he's not smart enough to have concocted the war on his own, he had plenty of people to do that for him; Libby, Wolfowitz and Cheney to name the major players, but as President, he should have had the balls to stare them down and do what was right and decent for this country and for the world. He had the power to stop it. He had the power to make sure our forces were aimed at the right targets. He failed. Miserably.
So here we are, five years later, mired in a losing battle and there are people out there e-mailing bullshit in order to make the current administration look better. While I don't begrudge them the right to try, (I still respect freedom of speech, unlike the current administration,) I do take umbrage at the cavalier disregard of facts, especially when our family members are half a world away taking bullets for oil. Oh yes, the oil! Did you ever wonder how we managed to win two World Wars with less technology and money than we presently have and in less time than the current war has been going on? Think about it. And when you're done thinking, do something about it.
This has been a Public Service Rant form the Nation of Morons. We now return you to your regularly scheduled broadcast day.
The spin goes something like this:
U.S. Presidents taking us to WAR
A historical review
(In case you thought that
Republicans were the warmongers)
World War I - 1917: 116,708 KIA
Woodrow Wilson - DEMOCRAT
World War II - 19141: 408,306 KIA
Franklin D Roosevelt - DEMOCRAT
Korean War - 1950: 54,246 KIA
Harry S Truman - DEMOCRAT
Vietnam War - 1965: 58,159 KIA
Lyndon B Johnson - DEMOCRAT
Wow! That's pretty damning evidence there! Can't argue with facts, huh? Especially when the facts aren't even present in the equation. For all you denser kids out there let me drop some truth on ya...
World War I - Woodrow Wilson won his 1916 presidential election by promising to keep us out of the war, which started in 1914. It was only in 1917, two years and eight months later, that a captured telegram from Germany to Mexico, inviting our southern neighbors to invade us, that Wilson regrettably entered our country in the war. Time from entry until vitory: One year and seven months.
World War II - True, Roosevelt took America into our second global conflict. What's missing here is that it was after the Japanese sucker punched us in Hawaii, a full two years and two months after the conflict started. If anything, FDR waited too long to enter the war. Time from entry until vitory: Three years and eight months.
Korea - Our entrance into Korea was not designed by Harry Truman. We were already there and we were fired on first. The initial role of U.S. Troops was as observers and peace keepers, but due to tension of the Cold War, support of North Korea by the USSR, and constant attacks on our personnel, we had little choice but to defend ourselves and escalation was only a matter of time. From our entrance to the stalemate: Three Years.
Vietnam - Begun in 1959, U.S. troops were largely kept out of Vietnam until 1965 when we entered the conflict officially. By this time, the face of war had changed drastically. No longer could we send in troops, hand the enemy an ass-whooping, and walk out. Vietnam dragged on for eight years before we began pulling our troops out in large numbers; the first time we ever staged a withdrawal without a full victory, thanks to Republican Richard M Nixon. I don't fault him or the Republican party though. We were clearly in an untenable situation and retreat was the only vialble option.
In all four cases, U.S. involvement was provoked and began as defense of either our own lands or the lands of our allies who were being slaughtered by aggressive tyrants bent on domination by subjugation. Compare this to the current Iraq conflict, the only war started by America other than our own internal conflict, the Civil War, (unless you count that Manifest Destiny bullshit where we slaughtered American Indians, stole their land and wrapped it up in a bow to ease our own conscience,) instigated by Republicans, fueled by Republican fear-mongering and outright lies, and kept alive by Republicans continually changing the conditions for victory. But that statement isn't really fair; there are Republicans out there who are against the war and had nothing to do with it in the first place.
The real blame lies squarely at the feet of President George W Bush. True, he's not smart enough to have concocted the war on his own, he had plenty of people to do that for him; Libby, Wolfowitz and Cheney to name the major players, but as President, he should have had the balls to stare them down and do what was right and decent for this country and for the world. He had the power to stop it. He had the power to make sure our forces were aimed at the right targets. He failed. Miserably.
So here we are, five years later, mired in a losing battle and there are people out there e-mailing bullshit in order to make the current administration look better. While I don't begrudge them the right to try, (I still respect freedom of speech, unlike the current administration,) I do take umbrage at the cavalier disregard of facts, especially when our family members are half a world away taking bullets for oil. Oh yes, the oil! Did you ever wonder how we managed to win two World Wars with less technology and money than we presently have and in less time than the current war has been going on? Think about it. And when you're done thinking, do something about it.
This has been a Public Service Rant form the Nation of Morons. We now return you to your regularly scheduled broadcast day.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Your Tax Dollars At Waste
At a cost of forty-million dollars the US Navy shot down a US spy satellite from its decaying orbit. The satellite was shot down in order to prevent 1000 pounds of toxic fuel from falling to earth. Pentagon spokesmen are "pretty sure" the operation was a success.
Huh?
Pretty sure? For forty-million fucking dollars you had better be 100% sure. Not only was this an incredible waste of our tax dollars, it wasn't even a guarantee. If any of this crap falls on my house you can bet your five-star asses I'll be suing the Bush Administration in short order.
While the satellite was shot down from the Pacific Ocean in order to minimize debris landfall, the Navy reports that bits and pieces of debris may be falling for the next forty days. The Navy also reports that they have tracked no falling debris larger than a football. Hmmmm... somehow that doesn't make me feel any better.
Huh?
Pretty sure? For forty-million fucking dollars you had better be 100% sure. Not only was this an incredible waste of our tax dollars, it wasn't even a guarantee. If any of this crap falls on my house you can bet your five-star asses I'll be suing the Bush Administration in short order.
While the satellite was shot down from the Pacific Ocean in order to minimize debris landfall, the Navy reports that bits and pieces of debris may be falling for the next forty days. The Navy also reports that they have tracked no falling debris larger than a football. Hmmmm... somehow that doesn't make me feel any better.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
