Fuck You And The Tax You Rode In On

Poor little uninsured children across the United States are about to become the recipients of one of the most massive tax increases in the history of this country. THe Federal Government is instituting a sixty-one cent tax on all cigarette packs sold in the US bringing the federal total to one dollar. The extra money is supposed to go to fund the SCHIP. Now, more than ever, people will have more incentive not to insure their children because they know someone else will be footing the bill for them.

Although the tax increase doesn't officially begin until April 1st, (how's that for an implementation date?) savvy retailers have already raised the prices of cancer sticks anywhere from fifty cents to a dollar. That's pure scumbag profit kids. That extra buck isn't going anywhere but in the retailers pockets and you're just forking it over like sheep.

But it doesn't end there. Manufacturers will be raising prices to offset the loss of revenue caused by the increased tax. Yeah, that makes good sense. By mid-summer we should all be paying an average of $7 per pack to feed our addiction. That is if we still continue to support the cancer merchants.

In Louisiana there is a contingent of politicians who know what's best for everyone and are attempting to add an additional eighty cent state tax to the mix which would push the per pack cost to well over eight dollars. Governor Bobby indal says he will veto the tax if it passes the legislature on the grounds that it will affect more poorer people and that's something he wishes to avoid during the Nation's current economic downturn.

Congratulations smoker haters! You have finally taken a huge step in eradicating tobacco from the general populace. You couldn't do it with your second-hand smoke studies, all of which have crumbled under close scrutiny. Finally you found something everyone loves: uninsured babies!! Please! Won't somebody think of the children! Have fun with that. Meanwhile as smokers either quit, or start buying their tobacco from tax-exempt indian reservations, your river of unconstitutional tax dollars will dwindle to a trickle. I can't wait to see the chaos in the future. Oh, and if you thought Black Market smokes were a problem in the past, wait a few months. You've just made cigarettes a worthwhile item for smugglers and the mob again.

As for me, I'm a smoker and if there's one thing I hate more than whiny anti-smokers it's whiny children. And if they're uninsured I hate them even more. Why the hell should I pay for your kids dip/tet? I can't afford my own fucking health insurance and you've got some nerve tapping my pocketbook to balance your shortcomings as a family provider. I'll be visiting the local reservation for my smokes from now on and the extra money I save will be going to whichever bar I happen to be near for my alcohol addiction. I hope there aren't any school zones in between the two!

This Could Work...

Unverified, but still... it's worth thinking about.

(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator)

The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building Washington DC , 20510 Phone (202)224-3254

Dear Senator Harkin,

As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status is that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as 'in-state' tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.

Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent, Donald Ruppert Burlington , IA


Get your Forms NOW!! Call your Internal Revenue Service at
1-800-289-1040.

Thanks for forwarding, JAUG!