Cheney Fibrillating!

This just in: US VP Ricardo 'Dick' Cheney has canceled all plans today due to an atrial fibrillation in his heart. This is not, we repeat NOT, a heart attack. It is the technical term for an erratic heartbeat. Sources are divided on the cause. Cheney spokesmen infer that it is Invisible Dick's small attempt at showing solidarity with the erratic campaign strategy of John McCain. Democrats however have released a statement that the fibrillation began when Cheney was informed that Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama was in fact an African-American and not a Muslim terrorist. The prayers of the Nation of Morons are with the Cheney family today, just as they were way back when he shot that guy in the face.

Jindal For Veep!

I'm serious.

Fuck recall, let's just let the useless bastard go to Washington and attend parties. It's appears that's all he's good for. Earlier this week, Governor Bobby Jindal allowed a record 90th bill to become law without his signature. That's basically one bill every two days he's spent in office. The average is higher if you don't count weekends. Whether he's emulating Ray Nagin's "hands-off" approach or the late OK Allen's "yass-mistah-Huey" rubber stamp style, Bobby Jindal is clearly a mistake made by the collective electorate of Louisiana, of which I'm sad to say, I am a part of.

And speaking of pay raises... (nice segue, huh?)

Our Louisiana legislators found time at the end of this session to craft a bill giving fire fighters a minor pay increase. Guess who's threatened to veto it? Yep, Bobby J himself. While he ignores the pleas, cries and screams of thousands of his constituents to veto SB 672 which grants an unprecedented and undeserved 200% pay raise to our legislators, he wants to screw some of our first responders. What a guy!

Now before you start thinking that the legislature is finally doing something right by raising firefighter pay, get this: The raise doesn't go into effect until next year! That's right kids, the greedy hogs in Baton Rouge get instant gratification while our friends and neighbors who put their lives on the line have to do without for another year!

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but didn't we elect Bobby to "govern" our state? Doesn't that include signing or vetoing bills as needed? Hell, I can watch the bills float past, and I'd do the job for half of what BJ is paid. So why not let him run off to Washington with his new girlfriend John McCain? It's not like we'd miss him and he'd fit in perfectly with the rest of the lazy liars in our nation's capitol.